In which I wonder why They aren’t learning the songs I am throwing at them randomly, and reluctantly agree that Having A Plan is important and that it isn’t ALL about me.
For a short while there, right when I first started out as a director, I thought I knew what I was doing. This didn’t last long and the problem was that I was basing every decision on what I thought I would have liked from a new director. I chose music based on what I wanted to sing and assumed everyone would just go ahead and learn it and we would have instant success. No, really. I really thought this.
It didn’t happen that way.
If you have been singing for a while, and you have watched other choruses and their directors, chances are you have a pretty good idea of what kind of director you would want to be. You see all these groups with their different personalities and eclectic repertoires and a dynamic arm-waver out front, and you can easily put yourself in that spot and dream of all the success your chorus will have with you at the helm, doing those same things.
The problem is, you don’t see all the work that went into it beforehand. You don’t know how long it probably took to get to that point where it looks and sounds so natural and effortless. You don’t know if there was struggle and conflict, and you don’t know how much sleep that director lost trying to figure out how she could be the best leader for her chorus.
I have heard of new directors coming in and turning everything upside down – getting rid of the entire repertoire and starting anew, and to be quite honest, that is what I should have done...but at that point, I was still a singer first and foremost, and I liked the songs we were singing. I knew the chorus did too, and while I toyed with the idea, I was too worried about how they would react if I took away all the songs. That, plus I didn’t really know what I wanted them to sing instead. AND we had performances coming up and we needed songs for those. So, we kept the same songs, and the songs we were singing at that time didn’t really have much in common. Some of them had been sung by the chorus for a long time, and many mistakes and bad habits had crept in over the years – in hindsight, starting over would have been the smart thing to do, but I never said I was smart.
I picked new songs quite randomly. A couple were suggested to me and I just said YES LET’S DO IT because I really wanted to give new music to my singers, and some I picked based solely on the fact that I liked them, not thinking about whether the chorus would be able to connect to them or tell their story. I didn’t know what the chorus story was, really, and I didn’t understand how it had changed once I came down from the risers and became their new, somewhat fearful leader.
Remember the part of the previous post where I told you I needed to make my own mistakes so I could learn from them? Well, here it is – a mistake I made right as I started out, which I have now learned from and am in the process of turning around and steering onto The Right Track!
There are times in a person’s life where one realises that one made a mistake, and then one realises WHY they made that mistake, and then one almost feels like there is a literal lightbulb over one’s head that comes on and thinking about one’s mistake becomes almost celebratory.
Here’s what I missed when I was brand new: I WAS THE LEADER. These were, in fact, my decisions to make, but I was too worried about what people might think and what if their feelings got hurt? But remember – they picked you! They picked you because they believed that you could take them further, and because they wanted to see how you would do that. You are the boss now. You don’t have to be a dictator, but the fact is, you DO get to make decisions – and not everyone is going to like the decisions you make!
That’s OK. Yes, I know you want everyone to love you and think you are a wonderful person of great substance, but let me assure you; not everyone will agree with everything you do. And you have to figure out a way to be OK with that. Took me a couple of years.
Here is something else I missed at the beginning: IT WASN’T ALL ABOUT ME. While I could make The Decisions, I had to learn how to make them based upon the needs of the chorus…and at the time, I really didn’t know what those needs were. Hallelujah, another mistake to learn from!
In our case, and in my defense, the chorus didn’t really know what they needed at the time either – they just wanted to keep singing, because we had had some rough times in the not too distant past and we were all feeling a little tired and a little discouraged.
Now, a few years later, I am finally learning how to see the singers I have and what they can and cannot do, and from that, a new purpose emerges for having taken on this role in the first place.
So, if you are brand new, or perhaps you have been around for a few years but you still FEEL new and you don’t know what direction in which to steer your chorus, do this: TALK TO YOUR SINGERS. Sit down and discuss where the group is now, where they want to go, make sure they know what YOU want, and find a way to come together. You may want to consider bringing in a facilitator to help you with this – this could be another director or coach, or even a professional from outside your organization.
And, depending on the level and capability of your chorus, and based on how the current songs are sounding, I highly recommend getting rid of all of it and start building your own, new repertoire. It’s like the clothes in your closet – some things you just love but at some point, you may have to face the fact that they don’t fit you anymore and it’s time to go shopping for new stuff that you can wear NOW. You will be happier, feel a lot more comfortable, and damn it, you will look good!
-M.
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